Plans for the near future

I doubt a lot, especially of what I want to do with my life. Often I doubt if going to school is the best thing for me. Most of my friends are finishing school very soon or are already working/settling down. I want to earn money as well so I can do things I like to do for example travel around to see bands I like or not worry about how many books I buy and do fun things without having to worry about the money. But when I think about the jobs I can do without studying, I immediately remember why I am doing university: I don’t want to work in a store unless perhaps a bookstore. I have worked in a butcher’s store and it was so very boring. On calm moments there is just nothing to do, nothing to occupy your time with except cleaning everything all over again and again until a customer comes. It makes me unhappy. So I’m going to finish my school and hope to save enough money to do some gigs and perhaps travel abroad for gigs.

I love going to school and learning about literature and linguistics. This year, especially the first term, is tough because I am redoing a lot of courses and I have seen all the material last year. This makes going to class very tedious. But besides making me smarter, opening new doors to careers, University gives me another golden opportunity: going to live abroad for a limited time. 

I want to take that opportunity. I want to experience living abroad, especially in Finland. My university offers the chance to go study in Tampere. I have thought about this before, but I was never as determined as now to actually do it. If everything goes as planned, I shall go and study Finnish in evening classes next year and go to live for a term in Finland the year after. I hope knowing a bit of Finnish would enlarge my chances to get the spot in Tampere. Financially it should be possible if things stay the way they are now. If, for some, I do not managed to study a term in Finland, I will consider working for a year or so after my bachelor and do my master’s degree in Helsinki. This means moving abroad for a year. 

My boyfriend isn’t very thrilled about going to study a year abroad, so he hoped I’ll do the Erasmus term in Tampere. I know he will let me go if I really want to even though he doesn’t like it. He cannot stop me anyway. I am not going to throw such a golden opportunity away. Almost weekly BF and I talk about going back to Finland and often the subject of moving there arises. Living in Finland for term or a year is a great way to know if I can cope with the long, dark days and if I really want to live in the country, though that’s still in the far future and are for now, merely dreams and no real plans. One step at the time!

Writing, my passion.

I am, and have always been, a person with an incredible imagination. I always played a kind of roleplaying games with a friend when I was younger. We pretended to be some mythical creature or some kind of hero.We could do this for hours and hours without getting bored. That is probably why I am such a huge fan of roleplaying games on the computer. When I was around eleven years old, J.K Rowling (how cliché) introduced me to reading and I never stopped reading afterwards. My favourite genre is fantasy because it makes me able to escape this dull world and live in those very excited worlds filled with magic, knights and dragons. It wasn't very long after Harry Potter that I discovered fanfiction and tried writing. I didn't like writing. I loved it!

I read loads and loads of fanfiction and wrote a fair bit. Only a bare minimum I managed to finish though. Nevertheless I kept writing and I kept on starting new stories. Every now and then I started an original story but they were abandoned rather quickly. Now I am writing a fanfiction with a friend which turns out to have quite a good plot and we are planning to rewrite is as an original story; which will be quite a task but I'm looking forward to it! Beside that I also started very recently (as in yesterday) an original story. I have on scene and a small piece of the plot. Loads and loads of work on that one.

I have always toyed with the thought of being a writer but it was more a 'maybe' thing. If I had a good idea and managed to write a good story around it, I might consider to try and get it published. The thought of becoming a writer has turned into a dream. I want to write. I would love to earn money by creating stories. I would love to entertain people with my stories and perhaps teach them a thing or two, because books are full of life lessons.
I don't want to write to become famous or earn loads of money. To achieve this you have to be really good and perhaps lucky someone wants to make a film or tv series from your book(s). I know that the chances to be able to earn a decent living from writing are very slim, especially in Belgium. Unfortunately the market for Dutch fantasy is, unless I am mistaken, very small. Most fantasy readers I know read almost solely in English. So if I ever want to make a chance to live from that I would have to get a lot better in English and move to some English speaking country.
I actually already said the reason why I wanted to write: to entertain people. I would be so thrilled if someone would enjoy reading my work! Another reason I want to write is to create my own world; my own rules and laws and my own characters. Basically, I want to play God.  But the main reason I want to write is because I have to get ideas out of my mind. Christopher Paolini, author of the Inheritance Cycle (better known as Eragon and don't judge the books by the film, 'cause in comparison the film was horrible):

"Write because a story burns within you, and you find yourself thinking and dreaming of it every free moment."

I never felt this way before (for a long period of time) about a story until I started writing with my friend. It's an amazing feeling but sometimes very annoying as well.

Don't you tell me how life should be

I hate people who try to control other people's lives. I believe that every person has the right to chase their dreams, to develop and grow. If you have to do something in life you do not like for a very long period of time, you will become unhappy at one level or another. You just won't be motivated to put effort in it.

I think it's really strange that parents expect from their children that they become a doctor or an advocate. Or that they force their kids to go to university. Everyone"s dreams are different. Some people dream of this one  job they want to do, others dream of having a lot of money, or a nice house and a family. I love my parents for letting me chose what to do and support me no matter what. They'd be perfectly happy if I decided to work as a shopkeeper for the rest of my life. 

I also belief that, to be really happy, you need to have a purpose in life. Something you want to achieve. You have to keep on dreaming. To be honest, I don't have a big dream right now since I'm not certain where I want to go with my life. Right now I want to get as smoothly as possible through Uni and it will be completely  awesome if I could spent a semester studying in a different country, preferably somewhere in the U;K or Ireland. 

Well actually I have a dream. I love to write a novel and become a published writer but it's not the time yet to work towards that dream. First I need to finish my studies and settle down. I don't like to look too far into the future. I made a lot of plans with my BF already. Some very vague, some clear. But those plans can change easily. I do my best to live day by day and see what a new day bring me. Most of all I try to spend less time worrying and more time enjoying the simple things of life, because life is way too short of worry. Before we know, life is over.

This song always inspires me and gives me a lot of energy. It makes me feel better when I'm down and it makes me forget my worries. 

Future...

It has been ages since I last blogged and I kind of gave it up because I have the feeling no one cares or reads it, but I decided I don't care (too much).

Since my last blog (end of September) loads of (bad) things happened, but I don't want to talk about that right now. Perhaps later, perhaps never. I'm really thrilled the new year is coming and I do have the feeling I'm going to make a fresh start. At first I want to rid my self of my insecurities and be proud of who I am. Next I want to find a job and at last I want to lose weight.

Also the approaching of the new year made me wonder what I really want in live. There are a few things I really want to do, but they are still out of reach, unfortunately. So I need to find something closer to focus on. To go for. I've been slacking around for a year now, and that needs to be done. I want to go on but I am afraid of routine. Doing the same thing every day like I am doing right now. On the other hand it has some sense of security.

I also have some regrets. Regrets that I didn't try harder for my studies, because it could have been a great experience. But then I wouldn't be busy with horses right now and I would probably not be able to find a job here in Belgium and I am reluctant to leave everything behind.

I would love to become a writer, but right now, I don't have the character for it. I can't focus enough to write a story and I am still so in experienced. Another thing I would love to become: a professional photographer, but I think I am not good enough to stand out.

Aagh I have the feeling I'm stuck in this big black pit and I just can't crawl out of it. It's frustrating!