I feel infinite

People who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower  by Stephen Chbosky are very familiar with the phrase: "I feel infinite". Those who have not read the book, should do so. You have no idea what you are missing out on. Stop doing whatever you are doing and get your hands on that book. It's a quick read that taught me a lot about myself.


When I sitting on the bus earlier, I was thinking if I have ever felt infinite. What does feeling infinite exactly mean? Well I suppose it is open for discussion and it depends on how you view it, but someone on yahoo defined it as:

"Feeling infinite" means to be in tune with the infinite, to attain your own self-actualization. In other words, to feel divine in your own unique ways.

source 

I have felt infinite and it is the most amazing feeling. It is one of those few things that aren't explainable with words, but I will try my best. When I felt infinite, I had the feeling I could take on the world. That nothing was ever going to stop me or bring me down. Everything around me just melts away and the world only exists of me and the people I am sharing that certain experience with. No personal worries, no world problems, nothing. It's a feeling of pure joy, pure happiness. Hell, no. It's beyond being happy. It feels as if you can touch the stars. Divine might be the proper word. I could spend hours trying to describe this, but not a word or sentence will be able to capture the feeling, so I'll end my attempt to describing it here. Maybe sharing my experiences with feeling infinite might be a lot more interesting than actually trying to describe it. Maybe some of you can related. 

Before I had my own horse, I rode one. I went to the forest a lot together with my boyfriend. He on hos bike and I on horse back. This one time, I was cantering on the broad hilly lane and my boyfriend was biking beside me at the very same speed. I gave the horse the reins and let her determine how fast she wanted to go. It was such an incredible feeling! It felt like flying! I have never ever felt like that while riding a horse. She listened to the softest touch and I trusted her completely. It was heaven on earth.

The other times I felt infinite was during gigs. Not random gigs but during the gigs of my favourite band The Rasmus. I have seen them five times and trice I stood on the front row. Those three front row gigs, made me feel infinite. One time the guitarist smiled at me and my boyfriend because we were jumping and screaming the lyrics as if we were possessed. I don't think there is anything I love more in the world than those four guys. They have been there for me for ten years now. They can make me laugh and cry. But most of all, they gave me the best times of my life. And I am so happy I could share those with my boyfriend and some friends.

Never give up!

Lately I wonder why I have done this to myself. I have never been so stressed in my entire life as the last couple of months and this stress sometimes manages to make me forget why I decided to go to University and study Literature and Linguistics. But when I grab a book and start reading, or when I have to analyse a story, I remember. I love literature so much and it is so interesting to know more the authors and their motives to write those books even though I do not like their work.
But now that the exams are getting closer and I don't see how I will be able to finish everything in time, I start to despair. I start to worry too much and I feel like I'm standing on the edge of giving up sometimes. But worrying is counter-productive. It doesn't solve anything and does no one any good. I know it can be very hard to stop worrying but the sky seems so much bluer when you are not worried and it's so much easier to enjoy things. I never had to fight so hard for anything like this before. University is actually the hardest thing I have ever done and it is far from finished.
Every time I feel like giving up, every time I am being swallowed by despair, i put on this song and remember why I want to do and succeeded in this so badly.

And so far for writing my thoughts down as fast as I could since I have to go back to studying now!

The commotion around "She's a Bomb"

Yesterday the new single and video of Lauri had been released on the internet. The first time I watched it I was surprised because I never expected something like that, but after the second time I found it hilarious and with the third time I was finally able to listen to the song.

 So here is the clip, but for the very sensitive souls, I advice you not to watch because apparently this has shocked a lot of people. 



I think it's quite obvious that it's a parody on a porn film and that it is not mend to be taken seriously. It's brilliant and cool that Lauri dares to do this. Some people say he has changed, though I do not know how they know this. Do they know him personally? He has grown up (though I sometimes highly doubt that), but that does not mean he has changed completely. I read a comment somewhere on Facebook of someone who said she was going to stop being a The Rasmus fan because of what Lauri is doing with his solo carrier. Well she is apparently not a The Rasmus fan but a Lauri fan.

It seems a lot of people are having trouble to see Lauri's solo career separate from The Rasmus while he is making a completely different style of music. With his solo project he is obviously trying to get rid of the 'the guy with feathers from that band' image. He will always be that for me, but I am able to see his solo career separated from the band. And while I think The Rasmus is better than Lauri's solo project, I liked New World a lot. It is safe to say that Lauri is taking The Rasmus a lot more serious than his solo project. But unfortunately a lot of people can't see the humour in it.

Lauri always says that you don't have to take things so seriously and some of his fans should really listen to his words. Keep it unreal, he said. What do those haters do? Tear this down. If read people calling the clip disgusting and another said he should retire. Shame you feel that way, but you don't have to say it like that. I don't like it (at all) is powerful enough, isn't it? And if you don't like it, don't watch and listen to it. I know he will probably not read the comments and most likely not care too much about it, but I hate it when people start tearing down others. It's not because he's famous that it gives you the right to do that.

Well I think the video is brilliant that 'shy' Lauri has been brave to do this. And we've learned he can pole dance. The best, however, is that he looks really hot as a man (well not in this video) and that he can pass a a pretty woman as well.

Time flies

The last couple of weeks, and especially yesterday, I have been reminded how fast times flies. It's very hard to grasp that the last ten years have passed in what seems to me a blink of an eye. It makes me realise that life is really short and we have to live every day the fullest and live for tomorrows.

Yesterday was the tenth anniversary of this song and I can still vividly remember that I was getting my hair dyes or a new hair cut when they started to play ITS on television. I looked at the clip in awe and fell immediately in love with it and with the band. Especially the singer drew my attention. I never stopped loving them since and I probably will always love them. 

I haven't changed much in ten years, I think. I grew up and became an "adult" (well I can still be a 16 year old teenager) but at the core I'm still the very same person. I still love the same things: I still listen to the same bands as 10 years ago (okay I've got to know some new ones, but with exception of a few my favourites are still the same), I still love horses, I still adore reading (and it are still the same kind of stores) and I still write. What has changed, however, is that I finally find something interesting to study and that I'm a lot more afraid of things that I used to be. I'm afraid to take risks. Ten years back I wasn't afraid to fall of a horse or ride a difficult horse but now I dread going for a walk with my horse because he is so tense than. When he starts being difficult I jumped as fast as I can from his back because I'm terrified something will happen. Honestly I hate that but there is nothing I can do about it I think. It might have something to do with an accident an acquaintance of mine had. She died because the horse she was riding got spooked and fell off it. I hate it that I have to think everything through. I want to be reckless again, I don't want to think about the possible consequences all the time but I do. It's annoying and it makes me feel like I miss out on a lot of fun. 

Perhaps those ten years have changed me more than I thought. Well live is to short to regret and worry about the past. I should look forward and embrace the future and try to fight my demons instead of wishing to be as I ones was. 

Looking back and looking forward

2012 is close to ending so I decided to look back on it. It has been a pretty cool year but nothing extraordinary. I certainly have some highlights:

- Cologne and seeing The Rasmus for the 4th time together with my boyfriend.
- Got to know some awesome people and one of them became one of my dearest friends.
- I decided to go to university instead of going to work
- Saw The Rasmus for the 5th time in Antwerp and managed to have a chat and a picture taken with Lauri! (one life goal accomplished!) and this experience was shared with my boyfriend and one of my best friends :D

All by all a pretty good year without too many downs. I hope 2013 will be the same or perhaps even better! I'm not going to make any resolutions since there is no way I'm going to do them anyway. instead I will list some realistic things I want to do this year, some plans:

- Go on vacation. preferably Norway with my aunt and uncle, else London.
- See The Rasmus or Lauri live, it would probably include travelling to Germany/Finland/... so maybe I can make this my vacation!
- Write more. I'm already doing a fair bit of writing, thanks to my and my friend's little project.
- Spend more time with my horse. It will be much easier when the sun sets later;
- Save up money to stalk The Rasmus on their next tour. Yes, I'm addicted.

It's not much, but I think it would be difficulty enough to complete every single plan. I am looking forward to the new year, even though I'm not tired of the wonderful 2012.

So what are your plans for 2013?

Pledge

Today the Tour dvd of The Rasmus was officially released (they made it by collecting money using 'pledge' Check out the site if you don't know it!

It was possible to buy various exclusive items of the band so they could reach their pledge. I bought the Live DVD (there were a lot of other cool things, like a poster, shirt, goody bag etc). I received a mail that I could download my remixes today and that The Rasmus would contact me personally concerning the personalization of the DVD. I think that it is very cool but of course I suspect it to be a standerd e-mail they send to every fan who bought something that was going to be personalized.

Well I'm actually writing this blog to say how nice some of the remixes are! There are four songs that are being played on the piano by Aynsley Green and song by Lauri. Nothing else. It's really beautiful and relaxing!

Still feels like the first day of my life.

I can't believe that tow days have past already. Time flies by so incredible fast.

Two days ago I went to the concert of The Rasmus. I looked forward to it for months. I love this band so much and they meant so much to me when I was growing up. They were the only ones that were actually always there for me. I just have to press a button and I could hear them. They can brighten up my darkest day.

We arrived first at the venue. it was about half past nine. The tour bus was already there. We were there about ten minutes when two German girls arrived. they were really friendly. Apparently they were doing the whole tour except Russia. I was quite jealous since I'd love to that as well if I had the money and time. I think it's a very cool experience! We were really glad that we could didn't have to sit outside the whole day because the weather was horrible. Lauri (the singer) was glad we didn't have to wait in the rain and snow all day long!

We managed to give them our feathery art (Lauri was surprised that we made it for them.. like why else will I drag it all the way to the venue?) and I think they really liked it because they posted a pic of it on their facebook page! We had a picture with them and if you look very closely, you can see that Lauri is standing on his toes so he doesn't look so small! They were so incredibly sweet! And deep inside I knew that it was going to be a great day!

 I was a bit afraid to go to the club itself, since we had to do some stairs and from experience I know how horrible pushy Belgium people can be! When the doors opened, I was the first one to climb the stairs. When I looked behind me I noticed no one else was allowed through until the pushing stopped. While I rushed upstairs and almost threw my ticket at the person checking it, it was not necessary since I easily secured my place in the middle.

The support act was very good! I had heard one song of the Dirty Youth on youtube and I really liked it but live they were even better! There was a lot of energy in their performance and I enjoyed myself. Not once I wished it would end soon.
I do think that they have great potential and when they come back I might go watch them again!

Then after await of about 11 hours it was finally time for The Rasmus. They were amazing. they played a lot song of their famous Dead Letters albums. Every one was singing along! With the second last song, Mysteria, a lot less people were singing along, even thought the lyrics were rather easy. I had the feeling not much people liked or knew the song.

I always like an acoustic set in the show. Before they started to play It's Your Night acoustic, Lauri told us that he went looking for waffles (Belgium speciality) for about three hours but that they couldn't find them. Obviously they were looking in the wrong part of the city. After the gig we offered to help find them waffles if they were still in town the next day but unfortunately they had to be at the airport at six in the morning to leave for Russia and Lauri didn't liked the thought of waffles as breakfast.

It was an amazing day. Finally, after being a fan for about 8 years, I managed to thank them personally for making music. I really liked that they made time for their fans and I wonder if they know how much they mean to their fans. As memories of that incredible day I have a drumstick (My BF caught it for me... I love it that he is so tall), my Finnish flag got signed by Pauli and Lauri and a new, beautiful T-shirt. Now I have 4 The Rasmus shirt! Wish they sold sweaters though and a lot of picture!  Can't wait to see them again!

I'm so excited

Do you ever have the incredible feeling of excitement? Butterfly that fly around in your stomach and you just want to scream and jump around like a lunatic? That you want to go/have/see someone/thing so badly that you just can't stop thinking about it? That you feel like nothing will ever stop you to get/have/see it?

Well I feel like that for a several weeks already, perhaps months. Wednesday I'm going to see The Rasmus live again after half a year and it will probably be the last time for a couple of years (since they are taking a break... again). Also because it's the ultimate relaxation before the nightmare that is called exams.

Is there anything that you are looking forward to so badly? Or for what do you feel very excited? Please, share! 

Fan girl crafting spree.

On the 5th of December The Rasmus, my  favourite band, will play a concert in my town (Antwerp). My BF, Awesome friend and I are going to attend to concert. Of course we can't just attend a concert like regular people, we have to make something special of it! First of all we are going to sit at the venue all day long (seems I always do that when I go to a concert with my awesome friend) and by doing this we hope to get a front row spot and see the band before the concert starts.

Why before the concert and not after? Well because we made this huge arty thing for them and it will be difficult to get it all the way into the venue and at the front of the stage without damaging it...
I got the idea when I couldn't sleep. Several weeks and two after noons of work later, it is finished! It turned out cooler then I thought it would:

Painting the letters so we can easily glue the feathers on it with a glue gun.

It is starting to get feathery. 

After the first couple hours of work. We couldn't continue because we needed more black feathers.

The finished product.

I hope they are going to like it. I think it's very cool and feathery! I had loads of fun making it. Especially since the glue wasn't very nice and decided to leave strings all over the place.

The Rasmusitis

One more month I will be, hopefully, camping in front of TRIX in Antwerp to make sure I'll have a front row spot at the club show of The Rasmus! I hope the weather isn't too bad because I don't feel like getting sick. Luckily I won't be alone because my dear friend and BF will be there with me. I'm already experiencing a severe case of The Rasmusitis. 


I found this amazing performance of one of my favourite songs and I wanted to share it with you. The Rasmus is, for me, the Stranger in the song. The only difference is that I will love them longer then just one night :)

Mysteria

Yesterday the new video clip of The Rasmus' latest single was released on the internet. I had heard the song before and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. Now I have to admit that I like it. It's really weird since it's absolutely not my kind of music. If I think about it I like everything The Rasmus makes. In some way I find that very annoying, because I don't believe that there is such a thing as perfect, but it seems that The Rasmus is, for me, perfect (as a band). Ever since I heard In The Shadows for the first time Iv' been a huge fan of them and they have changed so much and I still like them as much, maybe even more. I don't think there is another band of which I like everything they do. I always wait for the moment that The Rasmus is going to disappoint me, but it never seems to happen, for which I'm glad. They always manage to surprise me and I hope they keep doing.  I can't wait to seem them again! It's been almost 5 months since I saw them in Germany, but it feels so much longer.

What do you think of the new song and clip?

Don't you tell me how life should be

I hate people who try to control other people's lives. I believe that every person has the right to chase their dreams, to develop and grow. If you have to do something in life you do not like for a very long period of time, you will become unhappy at one level or another. You just won't be motivated to put effort in it.

I think it's really strange that parents expect from their children that they become a doctor or an advocate. Or that they force their kids to go to university. Everyone"s dreams are different. Some people dream of this one  job they want to do, others dream of having a lot of money, or a nice house and a family. I love my parents for letting me chose what to do and support me no matter what. They'd be perfectly happy if I decided to work as a shopkeeper for the rest of my life. 

I also belief that, to be really happy, you need to have a purpose in life. Something you want to achieve. You have to keep on dreaming. To be honest, I don't have a big dream right now since I'm not certain where I want to go with my life. Right now I want to get as smoothly as possible through Uni and it will be completely  awesome if I could spent a semester studying in a different country, preferably somewhere in the U;K or Ireland. 

Well actually I have a dream. I love to write a novel and become a published writer but it's not the time yet to work towards that dream. First I need to finish my studies and settle down. I don't like to look too far into the future. I made a lot of plans with my BF already. Some very vague, some clear. But those plans can change easily. I do my best to live day by day and see what a new day bring me. Most of all I try to spend less time worrying and more time enjoying the simple things of life, because life is way too short of worry. Before we know, life is over.

This song always inspires me and gives me a lot of energy. It makes me feel better when I'm down and it makes me forget my worries. 

I love you

I think that love is one the hardest things to describe. If someone ask me how much I love someone, it's really difficult to say and to be honest, I only think I will know how much I love someone when they are gone.And to me, love is something very powerful. If you want to know more about the power of love, please read Harry Potter by J.K Rowling (she taught me about it). 

I don't believe on love at first sight, but I do believe you can love someone without really knowing them. It's really abstract and hard to explain. Love comes in different ways and for different reason.
I love my boyfriend in an other manner then I love my parents. I don't get all warm, fuzzy and full with butterflies (clichés are easy to explain things in this situation) when my parents give me a gift. Does that mean I don't love them? Of course not!

I know that some people tell there family and friends that they love them, but I have never done that, even though I love them. For me it is obvious that my parents love me. They will give me everything I need, they will always stand at my side and be there for me if I need them. They make sure I have a place to live, a bed to sleep in. That's how I know they love me. They don't have to say it to me, because I know. They know I love them back, because I respect them and their rules. I let them know were I am or around how late I am coming home even though I don't have to. I even ask if I may use something even if I know they are going to say yes.

I hope my friends (I'm using this term in a very broad sense), even those I don't know very well, know that I love them in some degree. I don't think I need to kiss and hug my friends all the time to let them know I love them. If they need a hug, of course they will get one. If they need an ear, they will get it. if they need advise, I will try and give them advise and I never ever want anything in return except friendship. Except some degree of love.

To be honest, there are only two persons in the whole world I say "I love you" to in one way or another. one is my BF and the other is my horse. The latter however, never replies unless he sees me grabbing his foodbucket. Well I suppose that will have to do...

I said that I believe you can love someone without actually knowing them and I am going to try and explain it. For example, I love The Rasmus and I even don't know them. I know I love them, because I am going to miss them when they are gone. Well, to be correct I think I love them and I think I'm going to miss them. They inspire me every time I hear them or see them. It is incredible what kind of power they have over me (well power is not the right word, but I can't describe it with other words). There is other artist that has the same 'power' over me, the same effect. That while I don't think that The Rasmus is the best band. But they are special to me. I always get very excited when they are coming or releasing something new. And one time, they were in such a hurry that they ignored their fans and it was really disappointing to me. In some way, it hurt. It's a really strange feeling, and I'm not quite sure if it's healthy and what it is... It's confusing. I think this whole part of the blog is confusing!

Anyway, I'm going to round it up here, I could talk about this for a couple more hours, but this has to do. If you want to express you opinion on this, feel free to do so! 

Cologne: The Rasmus

I had an awesome two days in Köln/Cologne/Keulen or however you want to call it. On the first day we saw some rain, but it wasn't too bad and the second day we had a lot of sun and nice temperatures!

I planned to buy nothing, except a hoodie at the concert, but that intent failed when I enter a bookshop. They had loads of Simon's cat stuff and of course I couldn't leave without buying some of it!

The main reason we went to Cologne was the gig of The Rasmus, which was amazing. The act before The Rasmus was In Me, a very cool band with very nice members. My BF bought a shit of them with a lion octopus tigerish thing on it. Very nice art! I wanted to buy a hoodie of The Rasmus, but they didn't have them, so I ended up buying a way too expensive shit and a bag.

I absolutely loved the concert. They played a lot of my favourite songs and the set list was a nice mix of old and new songs. At the acoustic set the asked their fans what they wanted to hear, and I yelled really loud Days, and they played it! I really enjoyed it, but I still don't understand why Lauri's is wearing rubber boots (YELLOW!!!) on stages!

Days (not filmed by me)

The Rasmus is back!

Perhaps a bit of old news, but my favorite band is back! They started their tour the day before yesterday and I am going to see them in 9 days in Köln. They have a very small tour, exclude a lot of countries like Belgium and the Netherlands. Normally the play more gigs in the U.K but this time it's only one in London. 

I think that he new album is awesome. very different from the last three, but still very Rasmus. I can't wait 'til 18 May! When I'm back, I'll blog about the concert of course!