dinsdag 23 november 2010

Life is just a game

It has been a while so I thought that I should update this blog.
Not much is going on lately. I’m still looking for work and I’m sitting at home most of the days, which is so boring. The only positive about that is that I had a lot of time to play games, read and think.
I thought a lot about what I wanted to do with my future, but I don’t want to plan it out. The chance that things will go as you plan them, is  small. Si I decided to pick a thing to do first and see what happens and when that’s finished, I’ll pick something else and work towards it.
The first thing I want to do is getting a horse. But before I can get a horse, I need to get a job unless I wake up tomorrow and have enough money to buy a horse and take care of it.
I’m going to list some stuff I would like to see happening in the future, but like I said, just one thing at the time!
In a year or five I would like to be able to buy a house. I hope that I can afford a little farm or something like that.
Around that time I want to have my own business as well. A shop. Look previous blog for more details on this matter.
I want a drivers license so I can go on vacation with the horses/horse or do some competitions.  
I want to raise a foal.
I want to go on vacation to Finland, Ireland, …
It doesn’t seem too difficult to realize all this stuff in one lifetime. But hey, you’ll never know what will happen nor how much time we have.
But I’m trying to live my life as I want. I try not to worry and not to bother about silly things.  I used to freak out when a school thing wasn’t going as planned or wasn’t finished at all, but why the hell did I do that?
Life is a game, a hard one. I want to have fun while playing the game and I want to play it by my rules and no one is going to tell me what I should do with my life. Not even my boyfriend and he knows that.
He wants children and I don’t. If he wants them, then he should go to another. Of course that will hurt. But I can’t direct his life, se he isn’t allowed to direct mine.
My parents build the foundations of my life. They built the game engine. And now I am playing my game.  And I’m not scared to fall. I’m not afraid to fail since I’m prepared to learn, prepared to get hurt and I’m prepared to grieve.

Life is just a hard game we all play and I hope that I’m going to pwn!

woensdag 10 november 2010


I thought to make a new blog for those who are interested in my  “daily” life.
I’ve stopped with school (and I don’t feel talking about the why) and now I am looking for a job.
I want to work in the retail, I always wanted that. If I can choose in what kind of store, I’ll choose a bookstore, or perhaps something like gamemania. But I can’t be picky. If I earn some money and have nice colleagues, I’ll be happy.
I am planning to work in retail for the rest of my life, but not as an employee.  I hope that I can open a store myself in 5 years or so.
I already have a concept in mind, but it can still change. The concept so far: I want a store that sells all kind of fantasy related stuff. Like (board)games, books, art, movies, decoration but also some larp stuff.  I got this inspiration from a store in Utrecht. It’s the coolest store I’ve ever been to . The only problem is: you can’t open such a store everywhere.  If you don’t locate right, you won’t get the right kind of customers. But that are worries for later.
Lucky I already have a license to open a store (long live school). So hopefully you’ll find me in a year or 5 somewhere in a nice, mysterious store!

My father says I’m addicted to computer games.  He is so wrong. I can stop playing games and not miss them. I’ll just be terrible bored. The computer isn’t the most important thing in my life either.
I have an addiction, but it is not unhealthy and it is under control (I think). I’m addicted to fantasy!
Movies, games, books… That the reason why I want to have such a store, I guess.
But fantasy keeps me sane. It is an escape from reality. An escape of this horrible world. A lot of the things that are happing in our world are so insane. I don’t understand why they are happening at all!
Sometimes I wish that I could live inside a book, escape the reality of the world. The world that we are about to destroy.
But still fantasy worlds aren’t perfect. If they were, why would such books be writing.? Or such games made? 
There is no such thing as perfection.

As soon I have the money for it, I want a horse or a dog. Most of all I want a horse, but it’s the most expensive of both.
If it is going to be a dog, it will be a chiauau. Not because they are “in” but because they are cute and sweet. I fell in love with the breed after I had hold one. It was so cute.  But  if I get one, it will be one that can walk  and will only wear a jacket when it is raining or freezing. If I want to dress it, I can buy a doll. Much cheaper and it will always cooperate.
But I prefer a horse above a dog. Horses are so gentle, but strong but also very fragile. They can die from so much stuff. Owning a horse goes beyond being able to ride them.
If you want a horse, first thing you need to know how to care for them and how to handle them. I had horses for several years, so I know how to take care for them.
I know I am not the best rider around, but I can ride well enough to ride casual. But I am very good with handling horses. Perhaps this is the only thing I am very good at.
Horses are like children: they need to know that you are in charge and you decide what will happen.
If your horse doesn’t see you as their leader, you are in big trouble. A dog weights a few kilo, a childs weights a few kilo, but a horse weights a few 100 kilos. 
so if you ever decide taking a horse, be sure you know how to handle them and keep them under control. You need to be a leader and act as a leader, in every circumstance.

Harry Potter
Okay, this is going to the last part of this entry.
In 2001 Harry Potter and the Sorceress stone came out., since the day I watched it, 9 years ago (that means I was 10),  I was a huge fan.  And it will all end in 2011.
I still don’t understand it will be over soon. It was always there. There was always something to wait for. The books and the movies. And after the last movie has been released: nothing.
I have grown up with Harry Potter. He is a part of my childhood and now it will end.  I’m sure I am going to cry at the end of the last movie, like I did at the end of the book.
I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for Rowling when she had finished the book.
I started reading the Deathly Hallows again on Sunday evening. I’m half way the now and I already cried.
Warning: spoilers
Quote from Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows (J.K Rowling)
Godric’s Hollow p.269
And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off, or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the tick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or not caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.
It’s so beautiful written and so heartbreaking and still I don’t understand how he must feel. I tried to understand, but it is impossible since I know my parents and they are, lucky me, still alive.
Another two heart breaking quotes:

Quote from Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows (J.K Rowling)

The Elder Wand p.528
“Look … at … me …” he whispered.
The green eyes found the black, but after a second something in the depths of the dark pair seemed to vanish, leaving them fixed, blank and empty. The hand holding Harry thudded to the floor, and Snape moved no more.

The Prince’s Tale p551
“I have spied for you, and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter’s son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for
slaughter –“
But this is touching, Serverus,” said Dumbledore seriously. “Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?”
“For him?” shouted Snape. “Expecto Patronum!”
From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe: she landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.

I hope that Snape’s demise and his memories are well worked out in the movies. He really deserves it.