zondag 26 mei 2013


Exams are starting tomorrow and honestly I am terrified of them. Last semester I fail all of them except two of a partial exam. I knew that it was because I haven't studied enough. Now, however, I have even less time to study. I had to rewrite two papers, make some other assignments and we don't even have one free week to study. I try not to be nervous... but actually I'm almost freaking out. I am so bad in handling stress.

The main problem is that I'm distracted easily. When I have to study the sky out side suddenly becomes very interesting or the posters on my wall. I'd love to study in the library, but unfortunately there is never space unless if you come when it opens and since I tend to work late and sleep a bit longer it's not really an option.

And suddenly I have a lot of doubts again... about everything. So much has happened lately. My aunt who has been in the hospital for over a month, though she's finally doing a little bit better, my uncle who doesn't show up at the hospital any more and is acting a bit strange. My computer has been crashing all the time (though BF managed to fix it... for now) and one of our cats died. I have never been really attached to that particular cat but I still miss him. He was always lying on the couch and prowling around and walking around in with his typical panther like strides. He was actually a miniature version of a panther...  It just sucks that everything was going better again and now the doubts have set in again.

 People think it wrong or odd that I don't work towards something in my life and just wait and see what tomorrow will bring. If someone would ask me where I would see my self in ten years... or perhaps even in five years, I would not be able to answer that since I have absolutely no clue. Most of my friend have these big plans and know exactly what they want to do and often they already know how they could get there, or at least try to get there. Well I'd love to able to hang around in a comfortable chair for a whole day and read as much as I want or saddle my horse whenever I want and go out for a trail ride. Unfortunately life doesn't work that way and I'll have to earn money one way or another. I don't want to be demented on my boyfriend for everything (if we stay together... so far I don't see a reason why we wouldn't but I cannot predict the future... it would be boring).
I have always been a daydreamer. If I could I would grab my horse, my BF, say goodbye to my friends and family and leave for Middle Earth or some other exciting fantasy world full of mystery! I'd love to be a magician! That however... is not a career option in this world... the closest I can get, I suppose, is use words to create magic.

So far for the rant... just need to get it out of me so I can go back studying those stupid words and stuff for Dutch Proficiency exam tomorrow. I'm so dreading the essay writing part... haven't followed the news for quite a while (we get topics that have been in the news) and I suck in spelling and writing something good under time pressure... 

dinsdag 7 mei 2013

Date a girl who reads

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

zondag 5 mei 2013

Music: H.I.M & 30 Seconds to Mars

Recently H.I.M  has released a new album, Tears on Tape. So far I only listen it once, but I really liked it. It sounds a lot like their old work but with some new energy. What makes their music so stand out against all the other bands, is the elegiac mode in it. While the lyrics can have a very dark tone, Ville's voice managed to keep the songs very warm and this element makes it very hard for me to feel actually sad. In my opinion you hear pretty clearly that H.I.M is a Scandinavian band. They have this typical northern melancholy in their music. Nightwish, Indica, The Rasmus, Sonata Arctcica etc have this as well. Unfortunately I have never since H.I.M live and I really want to see them! If they came to Belgium or very near on a day that my BF and I could go, I would be so happy. Especially since my BF has been whining to see them for as long as I know him. I heard both good and bad things about H.I.M's life performance, so I want to see and hear it and see it for myself so I can make my own opinion.

Since this blog would be very short if I just discuss H.I.M, I'm going to write my opinion down about 30 Seconds To Mars. I have been fan of this band for about 6 years. I loved their very powerful songs and strong lyrics, but  I was very disappointed when I heard a 'Conquistador' from their upcoming album. From the first couple of seconds the music reminded me of Muse and while I don't mind to hear influences of certain bands in the music of another band, but being able to name an influence after only 5 seconds of music is a bit much. I am trying to keep an open mind about the upcoming album, though I won't be rushing to the store to buy it. What 30 Seconds to Mars does have, is a great live performance. It would be better if Jared wasn't so annoying on stage. He loves to hear himself talk and he demands that every one stand up during the show and jumps along and if they don't do that, he just stops singing. What the hell does it matter? Not everyone likes to jump and scream along to the songs. And if people buy seats, let them sit if they want to. They might have a reason. I watched Within Temptation seated because my BF couldn't stand because he was recovering from a serious knee injury. Once I sat down during and Apocalyptica concert. It was really nice just to lean back and enjoy the music without being pushed etc. But Jared doesn't seem to understand you can also enjoy a concert without jumping and screaming.

vrijdag 3 mei 2013

Never give up!

Lately I wonder why I have done this to myself. I have never been so stressed in my entire life as the last couple of months and this stress sometimes manages to make me forget why I decided to go to University and study Literature and Linguistics. But when I grab a book and start reading, or when I have to analyse a story, I remember. I love literature so much and it is so interesting to know more the authors and their motives to write those books even though I do not like their work.
But now that the exams are getting closer and I don't see how I will be able to finish everything in time, I start to despair. I start to worry too much and I feel like I'm standing on the edge of giving up sometimes. But worrying is counter-productive. It doesn't solve anything and does no one any good. I know it can be very hard to stop worrying but the sky seems so much bluer when you are not worried and it's so much easier to enjoy things. I never had to fight so hard for anything like this before. University is actually the hardest thing I have ever done and it is far from finished.
Every time I feel like giving up, every time I am being swallowed by despair, i put on this song and remember why I want to do and succeeded in this so badly.

And so far for writing my thoughts down as fast as I could since I have to go back to studying now!