zondag 4 augustus 2013

I feel infinite

People who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower  by Stephen Chbosky are very familiar with the phrase: "I feel infinite". Those who have not read the book, should do so. You have no idea what you are missing out on. Stop doing whatever you are doing and get your hands on that book. It's a quick read that taught me a lot about myself.

When I sitting on the bus earlier, I was thinking if I have ever felt infinite. What does feeling infinite exactly mean? Well I suppose it is open for discussion and it depends on how you view it, but someone on yahoo defined it as:

"Feeling infinite" means to be in tune with the infinite, to attain your own self-actualization. In other words, to feel divine in your own unique ways.

I have felt infinite and it is the most amazing feeling. It is one of those few things that aren't explainable with words, but I will try my best. When I felt infinite, I had the feeling I could take on the world. That nothing was ever going to stop me or bring me down. Everything around me just melts away and the world only exists of me and the people I am sharing that certain experience with. No personal worries, no world problems, nothing. It's a feeling of pure joy, pure happiness. Hell, no. It's beyond being happy. It feels as if you can touch the stars. Divine might be the proper word. I could spend hours trying to describe this, but not a word or sentence will be able to capture the feeling, so I'll end my attempt to describing it here. Maybe sharing my experiences with feeling infinite might be a lot more interesting than actually trying to describe it. Maybe some of you can related. 

Before I had my own horse, I rode one. I went to the forest a lot together with my boyfriend. He on hos bike and I on horse back. This one time, I was cantering on the broad hilly lane and my boyfriend was biking beside me at the very same speed. I gave the horse the reins and let her determine how fast she wanted to go. It was such an incredible feeling! It felt like flying! I have never ever felt like that while riding a horse. She listened to the softest touch and I trusted her completely. It was heaven on earth.
The other times I felt infinite was during gigs. Not random gigs but during the gigs of my favourite band The Rasmus. I have seen them five times and trice I stood on the front row. Those three front row gigs, made me feel infinite. One time the guitarist smiled at me and my boyfriend because we were jumping and screaming the lyrics as if we were possessed. I don't think there is anything I love more in the world than those four guys. They have been there for me for ten years now. They can make me laugh and cry. But most of all, they gave me the best times of my life. And I am so happy I could share those with my boyfriend and some friends.