It has been ages since I last blogged and I kind of gave it up because I have the feeling no one cares or reads it, but I decided I don't care (too much).
Since my last blog (end of September) loads of (bad) things happened, but I don't want to talk about that right now. Perhaps later, perhaps never. I'm really thrilled the new year is coming and I do have the feeling I'm going to make a fresh start. At first I want to rid my self of my insecurities and be proud of who I am. Next I want to find a job and at last I want to lose weight.
Also the approaching of the new year made me wonder what I really want in live. There are a few things I really want to do, but they are still out of reach, unfortunately. So I need to find something closer to focus on. To go for. I've been slacking around for a year now, and that needs to be done. I want to go on but I am afraid of routine. Doing the same thing every day like I am doing right now. On the other hand it has some sense of security.
I also have some regrets. Regrets that I didn't try harder for my studies, because it could have been a great experience. But then I wouldn't be busy with horses right now and I would probably not be able to find a job here in Belgium and I am reluctant to leave everything behind.
I would love to become a writer, but right now, I don't have the character for it. I can't focus enough to write a story and I am still so in experienced. Another thing I would love to become: a professional photographer, but I think I am not good enough to stand out.
Aagh I have the feeling I'm stuck in this big black pit and I just can't crawl out of it. It's frustrating!